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Great. You think that's funny, chiphead?
You know, I could pull your battery and kill you. so don't get cocky.
- 2707 to Control. - Control, 2707.
Message check. I'm waitin' for a friendly named Freddie.
He's a no-show. Is there any call-ins from him?
Control, 2707. No messages.
All right, ten-four. I have a request to open a phone channel.
Patch me through to 5553312, please.
Calling your girlfriend to say you'll be late is nonessential communication.
You should know that by now, 2707. Clear.
Clear. Ten-four. Thanks for nothing, ControI.
Ah, this is great
Agh! Goddamn it.
Lovers' lane.
Hi! Police.
This is an emergency. I have to use your phone.
Sorry about the upholstery. Just pretend I'm not here, OK? I'll be a second.
$100 bottle of champagne!
She's worth it. Aw, damn, the machine's on, you know?
You have one? I hate them.
You got a Kleenex? Ah, forget it. That's all right. This'll come off.
Ah. Hi, Tracy. Yeah, it's Dooley.
I'm just calling to let you know I'm gonna be a little late.
What's that?
I gotta go, honey.
Well, it's not the Eyewitness News team.
I think someone's mad at me.
Definitely, someone is mad at me.
- Whoo! - Hey, Dooley!
Got a ride home tonight?
- Byers, I need a car. - Can I ask you something?
- Later. Please, I need a car. Mine blew up. - Just one question. One question.
How many cops use their day off tryin' to get their asses shot off?
- I was set up! - How many?
Look, I got him, OK? I'm this close, Rog. I got Lyman.
- Give me a number. I'll write it down. - 50 million.
Lyman's moving 50 million. This is the big one, Rog, and I got him.
Mike, you don't have dick on Lyman. What you've got
is a wet suit, a bad attitude and a blown-up car.
Right. That's what I told you. I need a car.
You want a car, take a partner. It's a two-for-one deaI.
- No, I'm not takin' a partner. - Take Davis.
- Davis hates me. - OK, uh... spencer. How about spencer?
- I hate spencer. - You know the roster. Pick somebody.
- Lydecker. He's a good man. - Lydecker's dead.
That's why I like him. Doesn't slow me down.
Rog. 50 million. 50 million and Lyman.
50 million? Listen, smartass. How do you know that there's a shipment comin' in?
High-tuned cop sense. You remember that, Rog.
That's what you used to have, remember?
Before you became a paper-pushin' pansy.
Paper-pushin' pansy. I like it. Can you say it five times reaI quick?
- Paper-pushin' pansy... - You're pathetic.
You're jealous because I made lieutenant first.
You're right. You're right. I'm green with envy because
I'd love to spend my days here with my lips locked to the commissioner's butt!
- Screw you, Dooley! - Right now, Roger. Come on!
- Don't push me! - Take your best shot!
You did. You hit me.
I don't believe you hit me.
- Do I get the car? - You'll take a partner?
- No. - No car.
OK. Fine.
I don't need your help.
I'll take Lyman alone.
Honey?
Sweetheart!
Shit.
Trace.
Trace, I know you're mad. You have every right to be.
I know tonight was supposed to be speciaI.
I mean, the wine, the garlic chicken, which is my favourite,
scalloped potatoes, the peas...
The peas. Even though I hate peas.
They're good for me and that shows me that you care, honey.
I know I'm three hours late. I am. And, uh...
- Well, what can I say? - Hi.
- Hi.
- This is Chad, Mike.
- Chad? - Yes, Chad.
- A friend from work. Works for Pan Am. - Uh-huh.
One of those, uh, baggage-handler kinda guys?
No, more like one of those pilot kinda guys.
Honey, you're a book editor. How did you meet smilin' Jack here?
Well, he, um... has also written three best sellers.
- Books? Manuals? Instructions? - Look, I've got an early flight tomorrow.
- Maybe I... - Thanks for the movie, Chad.
Any time. We'll have dinner when I get back from Hong Kong. The three of us.
- Wow. What a night that'll be. - Good night.
- Good night, Chad.
- You're dating? That was a date? - He's a friend. We went to the movies.
- Do me a favour. - Mike.
Do me a favour. When you go to the movies, go to the movies with ugly guys.
Ugly guys with shitty jobs.
- You have a shitty job. - That's right. See what I mean?
So we're perfect for each other. Why didn't you wait for me?
Because if I lived my life around your schedule, I'd go nuts.
I'd be a clock-tower sniper in a month.
It's hard enough, knowing that making a bust
is more important to you than making time for me.
Now, I love you, Mike, but I can't count on you, so I do what I have to do.
Eat your peas. They're good for you.
- You know, I'm onto something big. - You always are.
It's Lyman. I think I got him scared.
- He tried to kill me tonight. - Just what I wanted to hear.
- I feeI so much better now - Look, look.
What do you want me to say, honey? I'll say it.
It's not what you say. I know what's important to you.
It's not me. It's the next bust or the next shipment or south American cheeseball.
Now, I know that. And I either have to deaI with that or find some other way to live.
All right. Look. If you hate it so much, just move out.
Just take your shoes and move out.
I own this house. You moved in with me.
That's right. That's right.
I was wondering how I could afford such a nice place. It's really... so tasteful.
- It's very nice. You did a very nice job. - Mike...
Forget it for now. I know verbal skills aren't your strong point.
- What are my strong points? - No, not those either.
- You're a liar. - You're a bragger.
Hello. Dooley.
Got an address on Freddie, huh?
No, give it to me.
Uh-huh.
No, no. No black-and-whites. I don't wanna scare him.
Uh-huh.
No, no.
Oh, damn it. I missed it.
God, I'm old.
- Ernie. " Que pasa? - Bitch of a night.
- Why ain't you in bed with your old lady? - Why aren't you?
- Your pizza, man. - Cheese and mushroom?
- Like always. - Here. seven, right?
- Yeah. - How about a napkin?
How about a tip?
Cold damn pizza.
Gotta get a microwave in here.
You just ran a stop sign!
Good morning.
- Hey! Freddie, my man! - This can't be happening.
- This can't be happening! - You thought I was dead, huh?
Surprised to see me? You set me up, Freddie.
- I didn't do anything! - Then what are you running from?
I need the exercise.
Exercise? I can help you there, Freddie.
You know, this whole jogging thing, I just don't get it.
- Dooley, what the hell are you doing? - But if you don't run,
you miss the precious aerobic benefits.
Make a right hand signal for me, will you? Thank you.
- Freddie, listen. - What are you doin'?
- Names, Freddie. I need names. - I don't know!
- You are like Edwin Moses. - Ah, come on.
- Great hurdler. You know that? - Come on, buddy!
- No, no, no! - To be the best, you gotta go!
- Dooley! - Come on, buddy. Up, up.
- OK, OK. They were dealers. - Dealers? Watch that pole!
Don't wanna piss off AT&T!
Don't do it!
- Whoo! Names, Freddie. - I don't know!
- Was it Lyman? - I don't know, I swear to you.
Benny the Mule. He was the trigger man. Jesus, Dooley, what are you doin'?
Oh, you got those slim Italian shoes, huh?
I think we qualify for a carpool.
Dooley, you're gonna kill me! What are you doin'?
All right! You busted a big shipment of their coke.
Now I wanna know, are they movin' some more stuff in?
- They're movin' a lot more in, aren't they? - What?
Huh? Come on, give it to me straight, Freddie.
- Come on. I want it straight. - All right. All right.
We had a meeting at a warehouse.
Fifth and Presidio. Transworld shipping, something like that.
Better be right, buddy, because I'm gonna tell you,
I don't wanna waste my afternoon searchin'.
- You'll waste a lifetime searching it. - Yeah?
It's huge. You could hide the Goodyear Blimp in there.
- Better have a hell of a nose. - Yeah, yeah, right.
- I guess I'll have to. - Hey, what am I supposed to do?
Drive slow, don't pass.
San Diego Police Department.
Put your weapons down, put your hands behind your head,
and come out of the building through the front door.
This is Sergeant Young of the San Diego Police Department.
... weapons down, hands behind your head,
and come out of the building through the front door.
- What's the deal? - We busted a buy down the block.
They took off, we grabbed one of 'em, the other two - in there.
- Brannigan up there? - Yeah.
Hey, Brannigan. Brannigan!
- Brannigan. Come here. I need a favour. - I'm busy, Dooley.
- I need one of your land sharks here. - Hey, they got a gig.
Hey, I only need it for a couple of hours. Come on, gimme the dog.
- I can't spare a handler. - No handler? I'll do it myself.
- These dogs won't listen to you. - That's just because they don't know me.
They don't have to know you. You're a maniac. They don't trust maniacs.
- Forget it. - I got this sweet bust goin' down.
But I need to jump on it right now. I need the dog.
You think you have problems? I gotta take my wife and kids on vacation.
- I got a plane to catch in three hours. - Plane?
Yeah. But I won't catch it cos I gotta wait for the SWAT.
- If I get you on the plane, I get the dog? - My wife's gonna...
Can I have the dog if I get you on the plane? You're airborne.
- I'll get you on. Get me the dog. - If you do, you can marry the damn dog.
- You got it. - Goddamn lunatic.
Who's this guy? Who've we got here?
Ow!
Nice hairnet. steaI that from your mom?
- Pinche, cabron. - Now, now, now. Be nice.
Gold card! Haven't we had a good year!
- Hey, we're closed. - I don't care. I need a car.
Fine. Take the convertible. $79.95 a day.
- The sign says $19.95. - Sorry. We're all out of those.
- You got 20 of 'em out there! - Reserved.
- For who? - Not you.
- All right. Gimme the next cheapest one. - $79.95.
- OK, fine. Come on. - Doesn't include tax and mileage.
That's all right. Put them on the bill. I don't care. And I want some insurance.
- Insurance? - Oh, yeah, I want the whole ball.
I want collision, liability, medical, flood, fire, theft. You got earthquake insurance?
- Whole life. - Whole life is fine. Put that on there.
- OK. What's that come to? - $267.90.
Round it to $300. Put it on the gold card.
Yes, sir!
- Hey, this is a beautiful car. - Yes, sir. Top of the line.
I'm a top-of-the-line kinda guy!
I'll put you on our preferred-customer list. Yes, definitely!
- Great! - I think you're a Golden Key man.
- Love it. - Absolutely.
So you can rent one of these suckers anywhere by phone!
And they come with discount tickets to SeaWorld!
- Thanks. - A pleasure doing business! Need a map?
Hit the floor! Now!
What do you think this is? Look what you did!
Narcotics? Party of 12.
Sure you wanna do this? Do you know what you're gettin' into?
I watched you work for years. You don't have to be a Harvard graduate.
- They're just dogs. - Right.
- Where the hell is this dog? Mexico? - They wouldn't take him.
- What's wrong with him? - Nothing.
- Come on, Brannigan. - He's got a few personality quirks.
- You should relate to that. - Wait a minute.
- He's not a retard, is he? - This dog's seen more action
than me and you put together.
In fact, he's a little stressed out.
- What do you mean by that? - Just that he's peculiar from time to time.
Peculiar?
- How come he's back here? - He's not reaI sociable.
- Put this on. - What's with the stuff?
- It ain't a fashion statement. - Hey, I don't need this stuff.
It's procedure. Everybody wears it. Put it on.
You know, this is a waste of time.
Just let the dog sniff me, I'll give him some yummies, and we're outta here.
Put it on. Tell me, do you know anything about animals?
- What's there to know? - Did you have a pet?
- Yeah, plenty of pets. - What kind?
- Plenty. - Like what?
- You know. Pets. - Like what?
- Fish. I had fish. - Aw, come on. Fish? Come on. Let's go.
It's a pet. It's a companion.
- The most loyal animal I ever knew. - Hey. You ready?
- Siamese fighting fish. - All right. Let's go.
- I feeI like the Michelin Man. - I don't know. It's kinda... you.
Get over here.
- "Jerry Lee"? - The killer.
Wait a minute. What is this? You think I'm gonna fence the dog?
Tell me, Brannigan. How come, if everyone has to wear one of these suits,
you're not wearing one?
Cos I ain't goin' in there.
- Where the hell is he? - He's in there.
- I'm gettin' a full-sized dog, aren't I? - Oh, yeah.
Jerry Lee, you got company. Up and at 'em.
Jerry Lee, you got a visitor. Come on. Up and at 'em, Jerry Lee. Come on.
Are you sure this dog can track down drugs?
- Yeah. - I don't know, Brannigan.
- Looks like he's on 'em. - Just give him a command.
- He'll jump to it. - Ah, come on.
Sure.
Hey, pup. Kill!
- "Here, boy" might have worked better. - I'm hip!
- He's always cranky when he wakes up. - I know!
- What do we do now? - Breakfast.
Yeah, breakfast. Great idea.
Yeah, there he is. Best nose on the force.
He could stick that snout in the wind now and lead you to a stash in Tijuana.
- I gotta be upfront. I got a bad feelin'. - Hey, tough shit. That's all I got.
No, you got a lot of dogs. I want one of those.
Do things outside the rules, you take what you can get.
- Now, take reaI good care of him. - Don't worry about your dog.
- It ain't him I'm worried about. - Is he eatin' chilli?
- What kinda animal eats chilli? - Hey, different strokes!
- Do I have to wear this suit all day? - Yeah.
- Come on. I can't drive in this thing. - Just hang it up on your way out.
Come on, Jerry Lee.
Come on! Come on!
- Hey, Dooley. Good luck. - Thanks.
All right, come on.
Let's go. In the car. Hup! Come on.
All right. Get in the back.
Jump in the back seat. Now.
Move.
Don't test me, because I'm gonna win.
All right.
It's OK. Fine. OK.
You better do exactly what I tell you to do.
Otherwise I'm gonna kick your butt.
Brannigan's doing a number on me. I can smell it.
All right. Listen up, here!
San Diego PD, Narcotics division.
I want everyone to stay right where you are.
Listen! Hold it right... stop! You, stop. Right here.
San Diego Police Department, Narcotics. Lift me up. I wanna talk to these people.
Come on!
San Diego PD, Narcotics division.
Now, there are drugs in this warehouse. I know it, and you know it.
This dog's gonna find them,
unless you cheeseballs wanna save me some time and tell me where it is.
No? All right. Suit yourself.
Bring me down.
All right. I want you all to pay attention.
This is a highly trained, vicious K-9 police dog.
So don't get in his way. This dog is programmed to viciously attack
anyone who may pose a threat or an obstacle to this detail.
Jerry Lee, come.
Jerry Lee. Come!
All right. Go.
Search.
Sniff! Sniff.
Just find the damn dope.
"Find the damn dope"? That's the command?
Just stay there!
Detective Dooley!
- Lyman. - Who's the bitch?
Watch your profanity around my dog.
Is that the way you talk to those high-society friends of yours, Lyman?
Hey, nice ride you got there.
Black is hard to keep clean.
I didn't expect to see you today.
But you know what? It works out great.
Know why? Now I don't have to drive all the way across town to hauI your ass in.
- Hey, is that a CD player? - Dooley.
What is it about me that gets you so passionate?
Not your looks. I think it's your job.
Knowing your frontier approach to law enforcement,
I don't assume that you have a search warrant.
The dog ate it.
- Hang round his tail and wait for an hour. - Get outta here, before I call a real cop.
Why don't you call your lawyer, Lyman?
There are drugs in this warehouse.
He went right for this door. That'll give me a warrant that'll hold up in any court.
Agh! Ay, me va a morder tu perro. Quitame el pinche perro.
It was just one joint, man!
- Just one joint. - One joint?
Are you gonna haul this drug lord in or do we just execute him on the spot?
- This thing isn't over. - I'm afraid it is.
I'll get a restraining order and you won't be able to come within five miles of me.
You get whatever you want. It's not gonna stop me.
Jerry Lee, come.
Jerry Lee!
Come on!
Buenos nachos.
One joint! You found one lousy joint!
You're small-time, you know that? I need a real dog, is what I need. Benji!
I'm taking... I got one more stop, and then I'm taking you back. One joint!
Police dog.
You just stay put. This is a job for a real cop.
Yeah? What for ya?
Me?
Health inspector. Looks pretty good. I like it.
Yep. Looks pretty good.
Well, I guess it's that time of day, huh?
Feels like happy hour to me. Know what? I'm gonna buy all the boys a drink here.
- Uh-huh. - And give me, uh...
whatever you got that's, uh, you know, diet.
- Shooters? - Shooters for the boys?
Give 'em some shooters!
Afternoon shooters, boy, I like those.
Ah, you got that, uh, pickled pigs' feet. That looks pretty good.
So how you guys doin' today? Have a good day?
Lookin' good.
Thank you. Hey! Cheers, huh?
Mm! I'll tell ya, on a hot day, there's nothing like a... warm diet pop.
Give 'em another round here!
Ah!
You know, maybe you guys can help me out here.
I'm lookin' for a buddy I used to play chequers with. We were tight.
We used to come in here, a long time ago, before you guys were here.
I miss that crazy son of a bitch, you know?
I was thinkin' about him the other day. Oh, what was his name?
He had a funny nickname, kinda like, uh...
Like Kermit the Frog, but not. You know?
It was like... Benny... Benny the Mule.
- Why do you wanna know about him? - Cos he's a cop.
I usually don't get a second shot at somebody like you.
Agh!
You know, you made a big mistake. This ain't a good place to be a cop.
If I caught you at a bad time, I can always come back later.
Yeah, you know, Dooley, I could shoot you.
That'd be too easy on you and it wouldn't be any fun for me.
No, I think I'll just beat the shit outta you!
What the hell is that?
That's... Officer Lewis.
San Diego K-9. You're all under arrest.
So line up against the wall, hands above your head, and spread 'em.
Hey, we give up.
I'm not kiddin'. Hey, listen, I'm tellin' ya.
One command outta me, he'll rip your throats out.
- Line up against that wall! - I'm scared shitless. Aren't you, guys?
Get outta here!
You're a hard guy, huh?
Could you call off your dog?
- I'm sorry. What? - Could you call off your dog?
Hm. Well, I don't know, Benny. That depends on you.
Listen, that hit was nothin' personaI. It was just a job.
- Who contracted the hit, Benny? - I don't know. I nev... I never saw the guy.
No? Come on, don't get cute with me, Benny.
- This dog hasn't eaten since yesterday. - It's the truth.
I don't know any names. He never gave me any.
Did he mention anything about, like, a shipment of drugs comin' in?
- He say anything about that? - I don't know nothin'.
- Bite his dick off. - No! No! Wait! No! Whoa!
I know, OK? There is a shipment. I forgot.
But it ain't goin' near the streets. It's all goin' to one buyer. I don't know who it is.
- Lunchtime! - No, I know! All right, I know!
I know who it is. I know who it is.
It's... it's a dude named Gilliam.
Big-timer. He's comin' in tomorrow. HoteI del Coronado.
He's lookin' to score large. That's it.
- You sure? - I boost a couple of cars now and then.
And before I became a shooter, I was in a couple of gay biker snuff films.
- What do you want from me?! - You should be disgusted with yourself.
OK, Jerry. Come!
Arrest this guy for attempted murder,
and the rest of them for cruelty to animals.
You did all right. It was OK.
That wasn't too bad.
But I want you to know that I am the officer in charge here.
MichaeI Dooley, not Jerry Lee.
Don't you ever, ever pull anything like that again
without talkin' to me first!
You lost it in there. You lost control!
We coulda gotten killed! I needed you back here.
What if they ran out? You coulda got 'em here.
You understand?
Get in the back seat!
You stink. This car stinks, do you know that?
If we're gonna spend time together, I've gotta deodorise your mangy little ass.
Tracy's gonna kick you and me both out.
She's kind of a neat person. You'll like her.
OK. It's time you joined the civilised world, buddy.
Now, what we have here is dry shampoo. We can do it right here on the spot.
We got some doggy deodorant here.
"Your dog will smell like cedar chips all day long, just like the champions. "
Come on, get out of the car. We'll do it.
Come on. I'm doin' you a favour. You smell like shit.
You lack personal hygiene. You understand that?
Here. Come on, this is uptown stuff. Smell this.
Now, listen.
Hey! Gimme that!
All right. If that's the way you want it, that's the way you're gonna have it.
You look good.
Dry him off reaI good, boys. Buff up that beak! Yeah.
Hey, extra dollar for a hot wax, right?
Armor-All him for me!
You smell good, but not like cedar chips.
Well, that concludes today's lesson on "Don't screw with MichaeI Dooley. "
Class is dismissed.
That's all right. That was worth it.
So, you wanna tell me why I was talking to a dead man this afternoon?
We had no way of knowing that guy wasn't in the car.
Yeah. That's because you were in a helicopter.
What kind of bullshit is that?
Choppers, machine guns. Who do you guys think you are? Marines?
And you.
Why didn't you come to me?
Haven't I always taken care of you?
And you pay me back by sending the law to my warehouse.
I didn't tell him nothin'!
I don't know how he found out about that.
Come on. I'd never roll on you guys.
I'm worried.
This guy Dooley's crazy.
Yeah. Crazy.
Well, I'll tell you something, Freddie.
You wouldn't be in this position if these pissants had done their job.
You wanna know how to kill a man?
Well, I'll tell you how to kill a man.
You forget this hi-tech stuff. You get a gun.
And then you find the man,
and you grab him.
And you put the gun to his head,
and you send his brains into outer space.
Not bad, huh?
Yeah. It's my nephew's.
It's a toy.
This one's real.
Now, this Dooley's already into me for one shipment.
I don't want him to get the next one. You understand?
- He's dead. - "He's dead, he's dead. "
Don't tell me he's dead!
I want it done right this time.
I want it finished with this...
cop.
Clean this up.
Trace?
Honey?
Tracy?
I'm late. I'm late. I know I'm late.
I know I'm late. We missed the ballet tonight, didn't we? Damn!
And you know how I love the ballet. Love it!
I... Oh, you got the flowers.
I... I didn't know that.
Yeah, you owe me $45. They came COD.
Did you know you have an animal growing out of your pants?
Thank you, honey. I also have a dog here.
- Why is it among us? - Oh, that's the reason I'm late.
I was racing home, trying to get here to pick you up for the ballet,
and I passed this window, and there he was.
Just sitting there, looking a little lonely, a little helpless.
I had to pick him up, honey. You like him?
- He's very sweet. - He is, isn't he?
- Does he have a name? - Uh-uh.
I think we should think of one together.
- How about... - Jerry! Jerry's a good name.
- Yeah. Jerry. That's great. - Does he do any tricks?
No, I haven't had too much time to work with him.
Can you speak?
Good boy! Can you kiss?
Ooh!
Oh, you're a good puppy dog, huh?
- You're a sweetheart! - Ass-kisser.
Oh, sure, I taught him those tricks.
Those are nothin', the easy ones. I've been workin' on tougher things.
You know, like card tricks.
Tracy, I'm really sorry about the ballet. I promise I'll take you later in the season,
like, during the play-offs.
- He's very protective. - Mm-hm.
Agh!
Come here! Come on in the kitchen!
Come on in the kitchen!
Come on in the kitchen.
- Come on, Jerry. Come on. - OK. Go with Dooley.
Yeah! Yeah!
Let's get somethin' to eat! Yeah!
Ooh, yeah!
Look. Let's get one thing straight: the woman is mine!
We're both members of the animaI kingdom. You know that, I know that.
And we both know that this thing is really primal.
If you think you're such a badass, try that once more
and you're gonna end up in a pet cemetery.
You remember the movie Old Yeller? Do you?
Remember when they shot him at the end?
I didn't cry! Now come on!
Honey, I think he needs to go outside.
Nice night. Enjoy the view.
- Do you think he's in pain? - Not yet.
Honey, why... why would he be in pain?
Shut that damn dog up! some of us are tryin' to sleep!
I'll handle it.
Come on, Jerry. You hungry?
A little late-night snack?
You know, we're a couple of smart guys, you know that?
I like that in a dog. She likes that in a dog.
And she likes you.
But she loves me!
I just need a couple of hours. You understand?
Here. You hungry?
T- bone. 16-ounce.
Mm. Good.
It'll thaw out in a few hours. Have a ball.
I'm back. All right.
Mm.
- Give me that. - Dooley!
- Mm. - He sucked that thing frozen!
- What? - Nothin'. Nothin'.
You're trying to piss me off, aren't you?
You're pissing me off!
Come on! Come on!
Come on! Behind you!
Come on! Come here. Ow! Ow!
- My eye! My eye! - Dooley!
- Hi, honey. - What's going on?
I think he was just a little bit lonely. He wanted to play.
- We should bring him into the bedroom. - No!
- I don't think so. - Come on. What a good boy!
- Oh, he loves it out here! He really does! - Come on.
You're a sweetheart. Just a little sweetheart.
Come on, Dooley.
Oh!
Mm. Ouch. Ooh.
Ow, you bit me. Ow.
- Stop that. You can't bite me. - You love it.
I can't. I can't do it.
- Why? - He's watchin' me. I can feel his eyes.
Look at him. He's sitting there evaluating me.
He's not the one you have to impress.
Jesus!
- Want some eggs? - No, I'll catch a doughnut downtown.
I gotta get goin'. Bye.
- Thank you for a hell of a night. - My pleasure. I mean that!
Oh... I mean it too. Good morning!
What's the matter? Can't take it? Huh?
Kinda grinds you down in the battle of wits, you're fighting unarmed?
Well, you're just a bad loser, that's all.
You gotta learn one thing: winning isn't everything, but losing is nothing.
- Dooley... - Huh? Yeah?
Yes, ma'am.
- Aw, shit. - Exactly.
I can't believe all that came out of one animal.
Hey, notice anything different?
Huh? sure you do.
I used to say "Get in the car", "Get outta the car", "Get in the back seat", "stay".
Commands are out. This is in.
There you go. You don't wanna listen, I don't wanna talk.
All right? see you later, bub.
- Your champagne, sir. - What is this?
- I didn't order any champagne. - I know that, sir. It's a gift.
Take it back. It must belong to somebody else.
- They said Mr Gilliam. - I said get it out of here.
I don't want the champagne.
Lunch today?
- Is it expensive? - Yes.
- How about a tall iced tea? - There's a minimum.
- Why don't you just bring me the... - OK.
.. menu?
Good boy!
What a good dog you are.
Sit!
Speak!
Sit up.
Go put your ball away.
Gimme some lovin'!
That's... that's... that's great.
That's really... How do you do that?
Well, first of all, you've got to give the dog a lot of love.
- A good, healthy diet. - Chilli.
Exercise is important, too. You know, the key
is to establish alpha leader as soon as possible.
- Alpha leader? What's that? - You gotta show 'em who's boss.
- Imprint on their psyche. - I've done that. Believe me, I've done that.
- What... what... what is it, exactly. - Most effective is to stare them down.
You look straight at them. You make them look away first.
- I can do that. - Even if it takes hours.
I can do that. I can do that.
- That's it, right? - After that, you mount them.
- Excuse me? - You mount them.
- You mount them? - Uh-huh.
- You mean...? - Yeah.
Mount them?
Mount them. Lucky dog.
Mount them?
Jesus!
- What are you doin' here? - Sir? Excuse me.
- No dogs in the hotel. - What about her?
- She has a dog. What do you call that?
The hotel owner's daughter. And the dog has to go.
- Well, this is my seeing Eye dog. - You're blind?
- Yes. - Were you blind when you walked in?
Yes, definitely.
I'm so sorry. Would you like me to read you the menu?
No, I can handle it.
Thank you.
Is that my tea?
You just ripped the mirror off of my classic 1965 Mustang.
I don't believe it. I just don't believe it.
If you don't get down... I don't care where we are...
I'm gonna pull my revolver out and shoot you.
I am the alpha leader.
I don't wanna have to mount you.
That'll do it.
Jerry Lee! Excuse me. I'm blind.
I'm blind. I'm blind. I'm blind.
Excuse me. I'm blind! I'm blind.
Shit!
I don't know why you California people insist on meeting outside.
If I wanted a tan, I woulda gone to the Bahamas.
I like California. It's been good to me.
- Tonight is the night. - Sounds good, but so did the last time.
- Ten million bucks' worth of coke, gone. - Never again. Nobody'll get this.
- If there's exposure... - I don't like a nervous partner,
so calm down or I'm gonna blow this whole deal and sell to somebody else.
Oh...!
Don't threaten me, Mr Lyman. I'm in the threat business.
Please don't take this the wrong way.
- We need to get details straight. - Just make sure you hold up your end.
- You just make sure everything's on time. - I'm not gonna wait for ever.
I'm really sorry. You don't know what's goin' on here, but you just saved my life.
Agh!
I appreciate that.
Ughhh. Very kind of you. Thank you.
Come here!
What do you want? Get back.
Get back! Get away from me.
What are you talkin' about? Get away from me.
What? There's nothin' in here for you.
This is police stuff here.
Go away. Get away from me.
This is mine!
Let me eat in peace, will you?
What? What? You can't have this!
All right. I'll split it. I'll split it with you, OK?
What? I said I'd split it with you! Here! Here! Here! Here!
Take the whole goddamn thing!
Jesus! There's all kinds of sugar in that.
Down!
Jesus!
You look like you've been in a skiing accident!
You wanna drive, get a licence!
Yeah!
What?
Wait! I've only got two legs!
Agh!
All right. I'm comin'. I'm comin'!
Don't let that dog psych you out.
I'm comin'! Shut your yap!
I'm comin'. I just want a running start before I hit the pavement.
Aaarghhh!
Christ! Jesus! I woulda cleared it if you hadn't barked.
You threw me off!
I suppose you think you're such a hotshot... because you made it.
You sure about this, huh?
Oh, yeah, he's up here!
Yes, sir! Got a smart puppy there!
What?!
Whaddaya want? There's no one up here!
There's nobody here. What?
I jumped over that damn thing and no one's up here.
Hey! Get back here when I'm yellin' at you! I want you to listen.
What are you barkin' at? Oh no, I got it. You're not barkin'.
No, no. I can tell the difference between a bark and a laugh!
This is a dog joke. Ha, ha, ha, ha
Oh, I'm laughin'. How many guys have you brought up here, huh?
No, you pulled a good one.
I can see you down tonight, talking to your chums, down at the pound.
Yeah, havin' a good one. "I pulled one on old Dooley. "
You never give up, do you?
Arghhh!
Now there's a guy who definitely has a right to remain silent.
What?
What do you want now? Want a medal?
Huh?
All right, all right. You found him.
Good job.
Here you go. Halstead Motors.
Got it.
- Hi. - Welcome to Halstead Motors. You are...?
- Detective Dooley. - And he is...?
- With me. - How can I help you?
I got this invoice on one of your autos.
Can you tell me if it's in dealer's stock or if it's been sold?
I'll have Miss Hewitt check it out right away.
Thank you.
You like this car?
That's only 100,000 bucks. That's 700,000 in doggie dollars.
What are you doin'?
Huh? Whaddaya got?
Find something? Whaddaya got? You got something in there?
Hey! Hey, hey, hey! That's a $70,000 car there, sport.
Ah. sorry about that, but the dog has his own mind. You know?
No problem. Name's Don. Sales manager.
- Michael Dooley. Nice to meet ya. - BeautifuI dog. How can I help you?
- Well, I'm interested in this car. - Mercedes 560 SL. Nothing more to say.
- Nothing? - Nothing. Car sells itself.
It says you've arrived, Mike. It speaks of stability, class, family values.
- But I'm single, Don. - It's a babemobile, Mike.
- I gotta have it. Let's test-drive it. - Can do, Mike. I'll get the keys.
All right, buddy. Let's get this thing outta here, then you can have it.
- Detective Dooley? - Yes.
- I'm Jack Halstead, the owner. - Oh, Jack, yeah.
I was gonna take this baby out for a test-drive.
- Do you have 70,000 dollars? - No, but I can do better than that.
I have a brand-new Mercedes, low mileage.
It was used once, in an attempted murder.
Oh yes. This one.
This car was reported stolen off the lot at four o'clock this morning.
Aw, Jack, does that mean we don't have a deaI?
Call your station and confirm it,
but not from my phone and not from my lot.
All right. I know, I know. I know the car's dirty. I just don't wanna do it now.
I wanna be there at the exchange.
I want Lyman. Let's go. Come on.
All right, buddy.
I'll be just a minute.
- Hi. Can I help you? - What have we got here?
Hey, buddy. She's hot, huh?
Yes, sir. Looks and money.
Love it when they shave their beaks. Don't you?
You know what? This kind loves cops.
Loves 'em.
Boy, can you imagine what she'd do to you?
Well, that's too bad. You're on duty now.
It's definitely an all-nighter.
You got ten minutes.
- What are you doing? - Don't lean against my ride.
This is your car? I'm sorry.
Don't stand next to it. Stand next to yours.
That's nice, but this is beautiful. Where'd you get those glasses?
Did you get those glasses in the mall?
I'd like to get a pair of those. I need some sunglasses. Is this your car?
- Something's goin' on in there. - In here?
Some big dog is humpin' my Aretha!
No!
- Is that your dog? - Technically? No.
Let's work something out. They're almost done.
- Why don't I buy you a tank of gas? - A tank of gas?
For my Aretha? Get real! That's a $100 dog!
How about 25 bucks and a full tank of gas?
I gotta get at least a bill for Lady Ree. I'm a businessman. You dig?
- I'm a cop. You dig? - A cop? You're a cop?
- You're kiddin' me. - Yeah.
- No problem. - Hey! Uh, here. This is for the little lady.
Thank you, officer.
Jerry Lee. Time's up.
Jerry Lee. Let's go.
Tracy?
Trace?
Honey. Honey?
What are you actin' up about? You should be mellow. You got laid.
Uh, oops. I think I have the wrong number.
- Yes, you do. - Yeah, Tracy, it's Jack.
We've changed the date of the seminar to the 5th,
so you have more time to prepare your material. OK? See ya.
I'm calling for Michael Dooley. This is the third call.
This is Stan Gamboa from Internal Revenue...
- Yeah, right, stan. - Set up a time for your audit. Call me.
Yeah, I'll call ya. sure. Fat chance.
Dooley, listen carefully. I'm with some people right now.
They came to the house.
Dooley, you have to do what they say. Please.
Dooley?
Tracy's real smart. She's behaving.
You gotta be smart too if you wanna see her again.
That shipment you're chasin', just let it go. Stay home tonight. Don't leave.
Do your part and you'll have breakfast with your girl tomorrow.
And don't push this any more.
Wash it, wax it, put a windshield in.
Hi!
- Hey. - It's by invitation only.
- Call the cops. - You don't belong here.
Call the cops.
Sorry we're late!
Ken!
This is a bitchin' pad, man! You got a pool in your dining room!
You know, I gotta get one of these.
Hey, I'm sorry Tracy couldn't make it, but she kinda disappeared on me.
But the invitation did say bring a guest, so I brought Jerry Lee.
- Why don't you mingle with the guests? - I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
Ken, come on now. I just got here.
- Please escort this man to the door. - Freeze!
Oh, I'm not gonna shoot you.
You guys are good guys. He's the bad guy.
Ken, I'd have a seat. You don't look too good.
Well, I think we'd best all do as he says.
No, Ken, just you. Not "we" - "you".
This poor man is obviously confused and upset.
Upset? Do I look upset to you?
Am I upset? Do I look upset? I'm not upset.
I'm a party animal! I love parties, Ken!
Come on! What's the grub like?
Hm.
This wine sucks. Is this crystal?
Doesn't have the ring. Don't think it's crystaI.
I'm pretty disappointed in this man here.
For a murderer and a kidnapper and a drug runner,
I thought you'd have a little better taste. I mean, where's the brew?
Where's the sounds? And the lighting in here sucks.
That's better. It's a little more intimate.
Sets the mood.
What's that, Ken? Is that an ice sculpture? Somebody win that? Is this raffled off?
Is this something you do in your part time?
Between the kidnapping and the drugs and the murders?
You make that yourself, Ken?
Who is that, Ken? Is that you?
No, that's Zeus.
I hate mythology.
Well, Mr Halstead, surprised to see you here.
Don't be tense. Just relax.
You know, most of you look like very nice people.
It surprises me that you're here, mixing with scum.
I mean, the kind of scum that kidnaps my girlfriend.
You're making a terrible mistake.
Does that look like a mistake to you?
- Does that look like a 9mm mistake? - Put it down, mister! Drop it, mister!
Tell me if it's a mistake to blow your brains against the wall, Lyman.
- Where is she?! - Dooley, put the gun down.
- Gimme the gun, Dooley. - Shame you have to leave so early.
- You really are the life of the party. - You're goin' down, Lyman.
Perhaps next time you can bring your lady friend.
- You're goin' down, Lyman. - See? See? The man is a lunatic.
- Outta control. - You can arrest me, Lyman! Go ahead!
- But you know what? - I'll have you prosecuted!
I'll make bail in 24 hours, and they'll have to peel me off you with a crowbar!
You're goin' down, buddy!
I'm gonna have your ass behind bars permanently!
And get that damn dog off my table.
Just let me outta this goddamn cage, will ya?
Byers! Byers!
Rog, Rog. Jesus, am I glad you're here, man. Cut me loose now, will ya?
- You blew it. You are out of controI. - No, I tried to convince Lyman I'm crazy.
- I got news for you: you are crazy. - Listen to me, Roger.
Lyman's got Tracy. He kidnapped her to keep me from that shipment.
- I wouldn't lie to you. - Sure you would. You always do.
Not this. I'm tellin' you the truth. I got an answering-machine tape to prove it.
I had to put this move on, to convince Lyman that I was nuts. I had to con him.
Put yourself in his position. He thinks for the next 24 hours I'm behind bars.
What would you do? You'd move that shipment of dope before I made bail.
That's what you'd do. The deal is goin' down tonight.
I gotta be there. You gotta let me out now.
I don't wanna hear it. It's your bullshit that got Tracy involved in the first place.
From here on in, this is a coordinated effort.
That means you, me, and the rest of the department.
Let's go.
- Oh, what is that?! - God, who let that one go?
- How could you fart in a closed car? - He did it. He ate chilli today.
- I'm rollin' my window down. - You gotta let him go.
- Pull over, would you? - I'm pulling over.
- Get some air in here. - There he goes again.
I'm sorry. Hey, I'm the one stuck in the back seat here.
- I'm pullin' over. - It stinks.
You're gonna lose your badge, go to jail.
Every minute we wait, there's another chance Tracy'll get hurt.
- I don't care. You're outta control. - I'm not outta control. It was a planned...
- How long will it take this dog to piss? - I don't know.
OK, come on. Let's go. Get him back in here!
I can't find him. I don't know where he went.
- Get the damn dog. - I don't know where he is.
Down here a minute ago. I don't know where he went.
- Where the hell did he go? - Jerry Lee, shake it off! Let's go!
I really need this. Waiting for some mutt...
Come here, boy. Hold them.
- What is this? - He's tense. You rushed him.
Get in the back seat.
He's very touchy about that back seat.
You're in deep enough as it is. Now call him off.
Hey, no way. Once he gets somethin' into his head, there's nothing I can do.
- Look at him. He's nuts! - Damn it, Dooley, this is it.
I have no time for coordinated efforts, understand?
They move that load, and Tracy's dead.
Jerry Lee, come!
Damn it, Dooley!
OK, this is how it works. The guy moves, he jumps into the clear,
I shoot and...
And I miss and I lose. Great.
It's supposed to make this great big noise, like applause, if you win.
I can only assume that's true, because I've never won.
They gotta show up soon. I mean, the stash is here.
You know, we find them, we'll find her.
I know it's a long shot, but it's the only shot we got, right?
Right?
You know, I met her on the beach in La Jolla about four years ago.
I was in a toilet with these binoculars.
I was checkin' out these kids selling some weed down on the beach.
It was hot that day.
That bathroom smelled like...
well, a lot like you do, you know?
So I'm scopin' out the sand, and bam! I come across this goddess.
Forget the kids. I'm not watchin' the kids any more, I'm watchin' her.
She's reading, right?
She stops, she puts the book down,
she reaches into her pocket and pulls out a chapstick.
And she puts it to her lips.
All right, I'm goin' nuts.
I know it's just a chapstick, but it's the most erotic thing I've ever seen in my life.
All of a sudden I feel real uncomfortable, like I'm invading her privacy.
I'm feelin' sleazy, which is really weird because I usually like that feeling.
So anyway, I get up. I walk toward her, you know, I go out of the john.
I'm sweatin' like a whore in church. I got toilet paper draggin' around my feet.
I look like I should be in a straitjacket. I walk up, look down at her, she looks up.
She pulls these glasses down.
She says to me "I'm reading Journey to the End of the Night, by Celine. "
"The original French version. "
"Have you read it?"
Have I read it, she asks, right?
I mean, she just naturally assumes I'm, like, this regular person.
Not some schmo cop. Have I read it?
Well, of course I didn't read it, but, I mean, you know.
She just, like, looked at me, you know.
God, I loved her for that, you know.
What's the matter?
Hello.
Halstead. Damn.
Left the party too early, buddy.
Oh, bingo. Red Mercedes. Here we are. We're on, buddy.
Halstead! Pull over to the side of the road!
Come on, Halstead, call it a night!
Arghhh!
I'll be damned.
- I shoulda killed him. - You shoulda ducked.
I could've taken him out right there. Then he'd be done. End of story.
Dooley is yours. The girl is yours. A gift from me.
Make it as messy and painful as you want, but later. Right now I need you here.
Concentrate. Focus on the business at hand.
- Halstead is late. - What's a few minutes?
Halstead is never late. Sculley, pour me a brandy, will ya?
I'll get it.
How you doin', sweet pants?
I can't wait to bump into your boyfriend.
Hell, I might even pay his bail.
See, I got a present for him. A Colombian necktie.
Know what that is?
First you slit his throat, then you reach in, grab his tongue, rip it out,
and you just leave it hangin' like a necktie.
And you and me gonna party, babe.
Why not?
Come here.
Oh, God.
You bitch!
Well, it's about time.
Later.
- You're late! - Yeah, traffic's a bitch.
Hey, bad idea.
- I press this and the cocaine goes boom. - Easy.
I got 20 pounds of explosives in this truck.
This little baby here sends a signaI, we got liftoff.
It snows in san Diego.
Look, Lyman, I got somethin' you want, you got somethin' I want.
I don't care about you or your drugs any more. I want the girl and I want out.
Sculley! Bring the girl.
It's gonna be all right, honey.
It's gonna be all right, baby. We'll be outta here.
You know what? I think you're connin' me.
I think I should have Dillon here just cut you in half.
Go ahead.
Go ahead!
Here comes your helicopter.
Here comes your 50 million.
Boy, I'd sure hate to waste that on a dumb cop and his girlfriend.
What's it gonna be, Lyman?
Cut her loose.
You're a dead man, Dooley.
I'll find ya. And when I do, I'm gonna kill ya.
Walk.
Jerry, get off him!
Get off!
Jerry, off!
- Jesus! - We gotta get him outta here.
Cover him, cover him.
- Come on. - It's all right, buddy.
It's all right, buddy.
It's OK, buddy. Hang in there.
Gunshot wound. Can you show me which way to Emergency?
- Sir, that is a dog. - Yes, it's a dog and he's been shot.
- This is a hospital. - I'm a police officer, lady.
- You can't bring that dog in here. - He's bleeding to death.
- We don't treat animals. - I don't have time to argue.
Can you just show me where the doctors are?
- If you don't leave right now... - I'm not leaving, lady. I'm not leaving.
- There isn't anyone here... - I just want one of your doctors.
None of them can help you. sit back in the reception room and we'll try and...
Excuse me. Excuse me, sir. Are you a doctor?
- What the hell is this? - He says he's a police officer.
I told him he couldn't bring the dog in here.
I have an emergency here. I need your help.
- What's your problem? - It's him. He's been shot in the chest.
- You need to work on him now. - There are health regulations.
I don't care about that. I can't take him anywhere else. He's not gonna make it.
Look, either you help him now or he's gonna die.
Don't get so excited. It's just a dog.
He's not "just" a dog.
He's a cop. And he's not just any cop. He's my partner.
Do you know about medicine?
Do you know how to remove a bullet?
I can remove the bullet.
I need some help in here! Let's move this dog now.
Let's go. Come on.
He's gonna be fine. He's gonna be all right. He's tough.
Did I tell you what he did in the bar? He saved my ass in the bar, Jerry Lee.
I mean, that's his job. His job is to take a bullet. That's what K-9s are for.
To take the bullet to save people. That's exactly what he did.
He went between me and Lyman. He took the bullet. That's what they're for.
He's a goddamn dog, that's all.
And that's what he did. He went between me and Lyman. He took the hit.
He's just... just bleedin'. He bled a lot.
You know, I've been after Lyman for two years.
Two years. And it wasn't worth it.
It just wasn't worth it. You could have gotten killed.
You too, but we didn't. You're a good cop, Dooley.
Yeah, yeah, right. Shoot.
I can't take this any more.
Jerry Lee?
Jerry?
Jerry Lee, can you hear me?
I wish you could hear me, because there's a couple of things I wanted to tell you.
You know, like, uh...
Like I know our relationship was a little rocky. OK?
And I know we didn't exactly click as partners.
And the way it looks now, it doesn't look like we ever will.
I never had a dog before. I didn't know what you were supposed to do.
I should have got a book and read about it, is what I should have done.
But I do know now that I shouldn't have yelled at you. I yelled at you a lot.
Even though you took the mirror off my Mustang, you know.
'65 classic Mustang, which I love. I love that car.
But it's OK. It's OK, because I know I shouldn't have yelled at you.
You know, and... and I know it wasn't all your fault.
I mean, it could have been partially my fault and...
OK, it was probably more my fault than yours, and I feeI bad about that.
And I'm sorry.
You know, I mean, I locked you up in closets all night and yelled at you.
I put you through a car wash.
What else? I kicked you outta bed while I was trying to make love with Tracy.
That was very insensitive of me. I know that now.
And we should have went to Vegas, is what we should have done.
If you were around right now, that's what we'd do - we'd go to Vegas.
For the weekend, you know. We'd pick up a couple of broads.
I'd take Tracy, and we could pick up that little poodle with the shaved beak.
She was hot. Ooh, she was sexy. I'd even let you sleep with us.
I mean, down at the bottom of the bed, you know, not in between us again.
- That was a little rough. - There you are. Been lookin' for ya.
- You're not allowed in the recovery room. - Yeah, I know. I was just, uh...
- Recovery room? - Yeah, this is the recovery room.
- You mean, this is where patients, uh...? - Come to recover.
- So the dog is...? - Gonna be just fine.
Oh.
- Can I have just a couple of minutes? - No problem.
You asshole.
Were you listening to everything I said?
Well, you can just forget all of it, because I thought I was talkin' to a dead dog!
I wouldn't take a sneaky, manipulative, lying flea circus like you anywhere,
let alone Vegas. Vegas? Forget it.
The dog - the poodle with the shaved beak that you love so much?
Eat your heart out.
Oh, God.
You don't deserve to live. You know that?
But I'm glad you did.
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